Well, goodness friends. Life has been.... Life, lately. It's not amazing, it's not awful. It's just been quite overwhelming, and underwhelming? Is that possible to have both? I think so. Especially since what we were told would be a two-week-stay-in-place has turned into a year and a half of turmoil, anxiety filled sadness and disheartening stories.
Let's start with the good things. The shop is awesome. It's so well put together, we're on top of everything, we are busy, and it's just really so nice to see and experience. Especially after a year and a half of really anxious and difficult times with lots of juggling. It's like a big exhale and a bright spot to see, and my staff is so great at what they do. Plus it's been just refreshing to see people in the shop again, everyone is nice about wearing masks all the time, and we have all remained healthy and as safe as possible. We get a lot of appreciative feedback from in-person shoppers about how happy they are with being able to shop safely, and how nice it is to see/touch/experience the shop as usual, and it makes me happy.
Another great thing? My kids are back in school (I didn't even get a photo of the first day b/c I am not mobile - details below). It's been a full week now and they are both really enjoying it. James is starting fall soccer this week with practices and games outdoors, and Henry gets to be in his school's choir for the first time. He could have joined last year as a second grader, but they canceled choir because of the pandemic. This year, at least so far, it's going to happen and I can't wait to hear his sweet little voice singing along with his friends.
One thing that's making life hard is the constant gloom of the looming pandemic. COVID-19 rates are getting higher where we are, I wonder when my kids' school experience will be interrupted again by a quarantine of some sort, Henry is too young to be vaccinated, and I worry about my family's health, my staff's health, and the general public. I worry that I could be doing something different/more to make things better. I worry that the issues importing and getting certain things will continue or (gasp) get worse. I worry that even if I do my best, it might not be enough to make people happy. I don't share much about the intricacies of running a small business during a pandemic, but the struggle is real. Every day is something new to tackle.
Another hardship.... I tore my Achilles tendon. I can't walk, I can't drive, I can't stand - well, I started moving more today at least, so I'm feeling some hope. I can't function normally. I completely rely on others for nearly everything. It really sucks for me, as I'm not only used to doing things myself, but I tend to juggle a lot and that's difficult right now. We'll see if booting it for two months has solved it, or if I need surgical intervention. I'm not willing to allow a partial recovery because I lead a very active and sporty life, and I want to continue in that for a long time. This is a different injury than I had this spring (and the other foot).
But I did learn a lesson in my injury. That post-pandemic (if that's what you'd even call this time, which doesn't seem correct), or at least post-lockdown, I can't expect to go back to normal immediately. Not mentally or physically. That I have to allow myself some grace. A slow build up of mind, of muscle. A loss of anxiety and weight. And I should forgive myself for not being the same person I was 2 years ago. I won't be winning any sand volleyball tournaments this summer. I won't be hiking this fall like I enjoyed last fall. I won't be attending birthday parties or group events. These things I just can't do physically or mentally right now. I'll get there. But I'm going to get there slowly, and that's going to have to be fine.
Are you with me on this? Do you have similar feelings? Like now that we are vaccinated we should be of more service, connecting with all the people we missed, getting our kids back together with their groups/friends? Do you feel an odd guilt for not really wanting to do these things again? I do. I feel like I stayed healthy and I should be getting back to things, but I don't yet feel ready to do them. I'm not going to push myself to feel differently yet. Instead, I'm going to ease myself back into "normalcy." Whatever that looks like.
If you have found a solution to this mindset, what is it? Do you meditate? Or are you in a job/life where you can't allow yourself this grace, so dealing with it all just seems normal? I'd love to know where you are at with this.
My staff and I are all taking this holiday weekend off, so online orders will ship starting Tuesday. And if you want to pick up at the Contactless Pickup box, the first day that would be available will be Wednesday, 11am-1pm. Happy Labor Day weekend, y'all!