Well, it's been more than four months now of a very different life. I remember 2019 being very hard for different reasons and looking forward to a fresh 2020. I wanted to kick the door shut on 2019 and welcome something better..... and then 2020.
But I will say that as difficult as this has been on me and my family and the people I know, I'm grateful. No one close to me has gotten severely sick, no one close to me has lost a job that I'm aware, no one close to me has had to sell a home or something big to survive. We are all just making it work so far.
That being said, I'm living with a constant level of anxiety. Are you? Everything is infinitely more difficult than it used to be. I'm shorter tempered than I usually am, I have little patience for people who aren't following the rules and aren't seeing this as a team thing we need to battle together, and I'm really taking things much more personally than usual. I would love to do something indoors with people and feel safe. I would love to hug people when I see them. I would love greater connection with people outside my bubble.
I do love seeing my team at work the few times I have lately. I do love being at the shop by myself. I do love doing things outdoors. I do love when my mom comes over with the masks she has made the kids for when they start school again in a month. I try and keep these things in mind when my world feels small and disconnected and unhinged.
How are you all faring? Are you venturing out of your bubble more or are you unable? Are you finding different ways to connect (join us here if you want)? My family is connecting outside with neighbors and friends more. We have been to the pool at the Y (outdoor and 1/4 the people allowed - odd that I feel the need to justify this, but there's so much judgement everywhere about everything), we have started playing volleyball and soccer outdoors, we got haircuts yesterday for the first time in forever (in an empty salon) with an awesome new person (if you're in Fort Wayne and want a recommendation, e-mail me). Some schools are opening up here next week, and my kids' school opens in four weeks. I'm trying to get my boys out a bit "in public" safely again. Henry put on a mask for the first time last week b/c he finally went to a public place for the first time in over 4 months. He did well -didn't play with it, didn't touch things around him, didn't seem anxious at all. He and James will soon be back in the world, and need to know how to function safely.
I look around at how things have changed and I get a bit sad. But then I feel pride too for how we have all coped. For how many heroes I see handling situations with grace. For how we have made it through so much change in so little time. How we are all still going on with a constant level of fear of the unknown.
I’m fairing well. I was able to visit my parents and other family in PA this summer. I did some bike rides with my dad and ran a 5k that actually happened. I haven’t gone to the gym since it reopened. I have been to the eye doctor and dentist, had my dogs haircut and had my haircut once. Other than that, I’ve been staying home or going to my fiancé’s house. I’m a little nervous as to how the school year will be. We are going back hybrid so the kids will be in 2 groups and only come two days a week. Friday is for tutoring. I don’t have kids of my own but I imagine what a nightmare this will be for families who work and have smaller children. Some think we’ll be full online in a month. All fall sports have been postponed. Winter sports start in December. In the midst of all this, I’m trying to plan a wedding for Labor Day weekend. I just wanted to elope but things are getting bigger by the minute. That really makes me super nervous. I don’t think we’ll have more than 25 but still. We’re trying to keep it super small. I feel bad about leaving ppl out but under the circumstances, we don’t have a choice. I still want to elope. Lol My mom wouldn’t be happy. We’d have ppl from Wytheville, VA, Atlanta, Pittsburgh and Dallas. Just doesn’t make sense to get everyone together. We’ll see what happens..... It’s really his idea to do all this. I thought guys didn’t want all this wedding stuff. Lol
Posted by: Dana Snyder | July 30, 2020 at 12:33 PM
Right now, I am well and feeling well, that in itself is a blessing. On top of that is when I opened a simply sock yarn's mail package, and be in a moment of 'wow' to the colors I ordered. I can be totally absorbed in that state of mind, non of the outside world troubles bothered me. So what I am saying is, choose what you want to focus and be glad that is productive, inspiring and full of purpose. We can't change or control the world, but we can position ourselves that lead us in a positive way, we only have so many hours of the day, or so many days of a life, choose wisely for what you want to spend time with. Even, if tomorrow never comes, or a total different situation, A DAY AT A TIME. I just want to be thankful for many things that do go well and right. Share this: One of them is when I saw the WMP yarn for Christmas in "Sneaky Santa" I was so thrilled by its wild colors, but wait, when I swatched, it makes me smile even bigger and tinkling with happiness, the wild colors are so amazingly gorgeous, Oh, I want more. Right there, one of my thanks of the day. Can't wait to knit it up...
Posted by: Angeli Hsu-Mackey | July 30, 2020 at 01:08 PM
I get outside a lot to ride my bike with a couple of friends, and inside I get to knit. I do miss hugs and indoor dining but am starting to forget what that's really like. But today I got to open a package from SSYC - just ordered on Saturday! - and that has made my day. Don't think I'm quite ready to start knitting the Christmas colors but am loving the whole package. And thank you, Allison, for your blog and messages. I check in every day to see what you have to say. Be well!
Posted by: Jeanne | July 30, 2020 at 01:34 PM
Oh my gosh, Dana. What a big job to try and figure out wedding stuff during all this. Congrats though! that's an awesome event and what a way to make 2020 memorable in a great way!
Thank you Angeli and Jeanne for your kind words. We really do cherish the idea that we are making people happy with our yarn. I feel very fortunate that we can continue serving people the way we are online and look forward to helping people in person again too, even if that is months off.
Posted by: Allison | July 30, 2020 at 03:27 PM
Let me just say this first... Covid 19 will not beat us. There that’s done.
My husband and I both work in prisons. Life is tough outside. Inside is much harder. Prisons are not built with social distancing as a priority. We try but it’s tough. Some of the men ‘get it’, some just don’t care and never will. Masks have been mandatory for both staff and inmates since April 17 yet every single day when I walk in I have to tell the same grown adults to put their masks on. To protect themselves, to protect the family they will eventually get to visit with again in person (in-person visits have been stopped since mid-March).
Yes, this makes me testy with people in the ‘free’ world. I want to shout... Why can’t we all just follow some simple rules for everyone’s life is at stake. Covid has invaded the correctional facility nearby and I was tested at work yesterday because my unit has had active cases this week. My 81 year old mother lives with me and I am honestly very scared for her safety.
And I live in Florida, home of the brain dead. Thanks for the chance to vent.
Posted by: Cindy Carpenter | July 30, 2020 at 05:03 PM
Speaking as someone who manages “essential” retail...honestly, for you & your employees’ continued mental well-being, stay closed as long as you can. Even with a statewide mask mandate, way too many people are being entitled jerks about it, and it’s just exhausting.
Today I had a lady tell me I was a fascist and she hoped I died of COVID, and a guy take out his phone, start filming, and suddenly begin screaming that I was harassing him because he was Mexican. I don’t remember how many times people have tried or threatened to spit/cough on us when told they can’t come inside w/o a mask.
Days like today make me frankly pessimistic that we can deal with COVID. I think we have to change as a country & as a society to do so, because it’ll mean putting our community’s needs above our individual ones. And unfortunately with an infectious dsease, it just takes a percentage of people who refuse to put public health over their personal desires.
Thankfully, knitting is still a refuge of calm— focusing on a complicated pattern keeps my mind occupied productively instead of worrying. Off to work on my latest project, a fade shawl with lace & various stitches. Serendipitously, I discovered that Stitch Together in Witches’ Garden, Qing in Narwhal, and Madtosh in Jade fade together PERFECTLY. So thanks, Allison and team for fueling my yarn needs through all this :)
Be kind to each other, and wear your damn masks, everybody!
Posted by: Megan | July 30, 2020 at 10:43 PM
Hi Allison - as a nurse who took care of Covid patients in NYC, I have no patience for people who don't wear masks and social distance. It is not much to ask. When I wake up in the morning, I think that I don't know what is worse, Covid, jobs, economy, as it is all so very, very bad.
We have just started to socialize with friends in groups of 4, outside in the yard. We actually have a nice time, good and wine, and I have come to realize how much I miss them.
Knitting is such an important part of my life and thank you for such a wonderful shop.
Posted by: Denise | July 30, 2020 at 10:56 PM
I'm right there with ya! My anxiety has skyrocketed (it wasn't great to begin with). I celebrated my birthday with a friend I haven't seen since before we all went to Stay-at-Home. I've been back to work since mid-June in a full building and it's about all I have the mental energy for five days a week. On weekends, I vege out. I haven't even been able to crochet or knit. Hoping to get that mojo back with The Sharon Show MKAL. I have no desire to go into restaurants, but I'm an introvert anyway. And, the one thing I really have had no desire to do, the dentist, I'll now be forced to do because of a problem :(
Hang tough, mama, I know returning to school may be something stressful for you and boys. I wish I could see your face!
Posted by: Joyce | July 31, 2020 at 04:10 PM
Allison, Thank you so much for sharing. It has been a trying year for me as well. I work in a small community hospital and they have taken such good care of us and the community. I am very fortunate to be part of such a fine organization. I have been and continue to be healthy.
I started out the year planning to knit only from stash, but round about March (ha!) began spending $ on yarn at my favorite LYS. I wanted to support it during such a difficult time for small businesses. I loved the lady who owned it. Walking in to her shop was like going to visit a beloved sister. We had such a nice time talking about patterns and picking out yarn combos all the time. I had the privilege of a few private shopping trips while she was closed for COVID. She had ovarian cancer a few years ago, had a relapse and passed away in June. I had no idea we were going to lose her. I miss her and will miss going to the shop. The nearest yarn shops are about 30 miles from me, so I won't be heading into a LYS any time soon. I do and will miss visiting with her.
I say this not to create sadness, because she was not afraid of dying (she had a very strong faith), but to emphasize that your shop is also a nice refuge for me. I love yarn shopping and you have made such great efforts to provide great yarns at great prices and create an excitement about them, just as she did in her shop. That's a special gift. Thank you for that.
Stay well and continue on. You're doing great things.
Posted by: Liisa Westen | July 31, 2020 at 04:24 PM
I’m pretty anal about wearing masks on the rare occasion I leave the house. My partner & I are both high risk. I haven’t left the house since the beginning of March except for medical appointments. I’m happy to see that a large percentage of people wear masks even when outdoors. And most of those not wearing one have one in a pocket or otherwise easily accessible to put in if they come near another pedestrian. I had surgery on July 14 & was required to have a COVID test no more than 48 hours beforehand. Unsurprisingly, it was negative. But Wednesday I went to my surgeon for a post op visit. Northwestern memorial hospital is a large complex of several buildings & a few garages - all connected by enclosed walkways on the 2nd floor. I could not believe that the couple just a few feet ahead of me in the walkway between the garage & the building where my surgeon’s office is were NOT wearing masks. IN A HOSPITAL!!! I slowed down to let them get several feet ahead. I’m an introvert so staying in doesn’t bother me much. The thing I miss most is seeing my sister & her grandsons. She’s my only remaining sib & disabled & I usually see her about once a month. I really miss her. And I miss flying to Portland to visit my married daughter & her family. We have had a couple of visits with both girls via Zoom. But you can’t hug via Zoom. I’m just so grateful that no one in my family has gotten sick with COVID. Im also so grateful to my partner’s brother & sister for giving him a nice recumbent exercise bike for a combination Christmas-birthday gift several years ago. We both ride it for about an hour every day.
Posted by: Donna T | July 31, 2020 at 06:58 PM
My anxiety has been high since my 10 year old son was assaulted at school in January. I've had terrible insomnia. At best, I sleep 3-4 hours a night. On the worst nights, maybe 1 hour. I've had everything done except a sleep study, which isn't being done in my area at the moment. My autoimmune disease has gone haywire from the stress.
You may have heard of an indie dyer who passed from COVID-19. Tahra Loy of Brew City Yarns died this past Sunday. She was at the ER with her child, and a woman with no mask got in her face after Tahra asked the woman to put one on. The woman had COVID-19 symptoms. Tahra had three children and a husband who are now without her because of some woman's "freedom" to not wear a mask.
I enrolled my son, who has asthma, in our city's 100% Digital Academy. My daughters want the opportunity for the hybrid model, but our district - largest in the state- is opening 100% virtual. If the pandemic slows, the school buildings could open. They would only open for the start of a new quarter.
A friend of mine was in the hospital with atrial fibrillation. Another friend is being treated for blood clots. A third friend has off and on fever, nausea, brain fog and extreme fatigue. These are women ages 40-50. This COVID-19 is no joke. For every person who claims it's "not that bad" or that it's a hoax, I suggest they sign up to be a substitute nurse's aid or teacher to see how serious it really is.
Posted by: Jessica | August 01, 2020 at 05:05 AM
I want a divorce. It’s bad enough with this lock-down but to find out that my husband has been talking and who knows what else with my best friend behind my back just takes the cake. Can this get any worse? He did this 20 years ago with one of my BEST friends. I should have left then. Do it to me once, shame on you, do it to me twice, shame on me. Now I am stuck in this house with a cheater that I absolutely loathe. That was my only friend in real life. I trust no one now. I will never make another friend while near this cheater. I must be a poor judge of character or pick crappy people to be my friend. Is there no loyalty anymore?
Posted by: ?? | August 02, 2020 at 03:22 PM