Today was the last day that James and I got to spend with Joe before he goes back to teaching. It's been a memorable summer for all of us- at three years old, James is at a super fun age. He's enjoyed rough housing with Joe all summer, and I've enjoyed more time to relax because I had a partner who wasn't working. It was awesome.
Soon, James will start going to preschool. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. It's the first time he'll be cared for outside of our home, the first time I'm not completely engrossed in his care. And though I'm confident in the school, I'm not confident that I'll be okay with letting go. I know it's just for a few hours a week, but I also know that this is the start of his schooling and he'll never be just mine anymore. This is the start of him becoming an independent little person, and after putting everything in second place for him for three years, I don't know that I'm ready to let him go even a little bit.
How did you know it was the right time to start letting go of your little one? Did you send your kids to preschool? Was it an easy transition for you and for your kids?
It was very hard to let them go; but you have to feel that you have helped them be strong and ready to move on to their next adventure in life. Be there when they go off to school and come home from school. You will hear many stories in the time it takes to get to and from school. These times were the best for me, and I know it meant alot to my two children. As I have said before, my two are in their early twenties and they still talk to me openly.
Letting go is hard but will be good for both you and James.
Posted by: Juli | August 18, 2010 at 04:19 PM
I was put into nursery school when I was 2, all day from 7 in the morning to 5 at night. It was way too much for me at that age. So I vowed my kids would stay home with me until they started kindergarten.
When my son was 4 he saw a preschool near our house, and dragged ME against my will to the preschool so I would sign him up. I started with mornings for him, but he insisted on staying all day to play with the kids there. My daughter tried preschool at 3, and lasted about 3 days, started crying, so that was the end of her preschool adventure. She wasn't ready for kindergarten until she was 6. She was a worrier, and needed to be home with me longer. She is now very independent, lives overseas with her husband, and is doing fine.
My kids are all close to 30 now, and are nice people, stable, and handling things. I let them guide me as to what they needed as they were growing up. Sometimes the clingiest child ends up being the most self reliant if you meet their needs along the way.
James is adorable, a wonderful little boy. I'm sure he'll do fine.
Posted by: Nathanne Verner | August 18, 2010 at 05:01 PM
I had a harder time with Kindergarten then I did preschool. I looked at preschool as a "little break" but I also had another one at home usually. It is hard but I am sure James will have an awesome time.
Posted by: Robin | August 18, 2010 at 05:54 PM
I think that is the thing about parenting that surprises most parents the most. No one tells you how hard it is to let go & how often you will have to do it. I think preschool is a great introduction to letting go. As you point out, it's for just a few hours a week. And it's important for the socialization process. For the future, I'd advise little ways to let James take responsibility for his choices. I began with letting my girls have a major say in selecting clothes - both when we bought them & in everyday wardrobe selection when they were around James' age. When they got into school, I made it clear that homework was their responsibility although certainly I would help if they asked. By the time they were in high school, they insisted on discussing any school problems with their teachers themselves. There were times I wanted badly to get involved (like the time the AP math teacher continually spouted excessive sexist comments) but my girls insisted they could handle it themselves (& they did - half the AP math class was girls & they bought long sleeve t shirts custom printed with the names of major female mathematicians to wear to class - the teacher got the point - they quietly gloated when the only students to make the National Merit Finalist list were the 7 girls - not a one of the boys did). Allowing them to gradually accept responsibility for areas of their lives eased their transition into adulthood & eased my letting go (not that it wasn't still hard but at least I knew that they could take care of themselves.
Posted by: mwknitter | August 18, 2010 at 06:45 PM
James is lucky to have such a wonderful Mom. I think both of you will do just fine. Something you might inquire about is if you are allowed to help out in the class. I started Logan in preschool when he was 2. Ours was/is a co-op preschool, parents are required to assist the teacher & parent educator. There are 2 age groups, Toddlers (18 mo-3yrs) and the 3-5 class. The Toddler class is only 1 day a week, and it eased the kids into a school like atmosphere with a parent with the child. Now, Logan who will be three this month, will be going into the 3-5 class, which is 3 days a week, and a parent is required to attend/help 1 day a week.
I feel really good about this as I will get the benefit of time alone (c'mon we all need it) and the benefit of helping my child grow as a person. Plus it's fun helping other kids as well.
Hope this helps.
Posted by: Tina | August 19, 2010 at 03:13 AM
I had a hard time not only letting go, but finally accepting that someone else could look after my children properly. Pre-school was just one adventure on the way, but I vividly recall the first day - my older son went off to play immediately, but the younger one, who was also three at the time, screamed for me and as I tore myself away all I heard was "Mommmmmmm-myyyyyyyyy!!!!" echoing up the stairs - broke my heart, I went home and cried for the entire 2 1/2 hours.
When I went back to pick them up, I was informed that Ben had cried for maybe 5 minutes, and then was fine. Me? Not so much...
Volunteering through preschool and elementary school was a HUGE benefit to all of us, and if you can do it, even once a week, I can't recommend it enough - otherwise, hang tough and know that in the end, it's all good!
Posted by: deirdre | August 19, 2010 at 06:37 AM
Do you have the book, "The Kissing Hand"? If you don't, please check it out. It was helpful for our family when we were at the 3 year-old stage. Hopefully it will help you too. James is adorable and you're a good Mom.
Posted by: ~ K ~ | August 19, 2010 at 07:48 AM
I've been in tears all week!! My story is a bit different than yours though. My son is 5 and has been going to school pretty much full time since he was 3. He has autism and has been in a pretty heavy therapy school for two years. Today is his last day there. On Monday he will start public school Kindergarten. I am so proud of him and so scared for him at the same time. Although he has been in school, it has been a pretty sheltered life for him. Being out in the "real world" can be a scary place. I am just glad I will be here for him when he needs me. I pray that he will be safe and will learn and grow and have fun. I wish that for your James also. It's easier to let go when you know that you will always be there for them to come back to.
Posted by: p-la | August 19, 2010 at 11:06 AM
I never put either of my children in pre-school. But I spent time with them (during that time) doing educational things for their age. Kindergarten was rough for me - mostly with my daughter (youngest) I cried all the way home and sat on my bed looking at the clock to see if it was noon yet (when I would pick her up) She came out skipping and smiling - she had a blast! Motherhood is a series of letting go times. I had to let go of my daughter last year when she married and my son will be leaving to get married in a year or so - then it will be just me. But in all times of letting go - you also receive. My daughter is having a baby! Sure - you'll miss James - but think of all the wonderful times ahead and you'll be SO VERY proud of him all the way! You've done a wonderful job already and it will only get better for both of you!!
Posted by: Diane | August 19, 2010 at 05:50 PM
He is a doll!!!! As for pre-K, we have 4 sons all grown & with children of their own. Only 2 of the 4 attended pre-K. They both enjoyed it, they are the 2 oldest. The other 2 guys (the younger ones) were interested in many things. All 4 did well in school and college.
Letting go is hard, however listen to your heart and make your decision based on what your son needs. You will be able to tell by his reaction to the school experience. I would suggest you volunteer at the school if he decides school is where he wants to be at this time.
Kris
Posted by: kristen freiermuth: | August 19, 2010 at 08:58 PM
PS - I love James's method of eating a donut! :-D
Posted by: Diane | August 20, 2010 at 08:26 AM