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December 15, 2008



You know, it is tricky to work that out, but it comes down to whether you want to maintain your sanity or not. I've been a stay at home mom now for five years, and it has definitely gotten better than when I first started out. You have to make the time for yourself and not feel guilty about it. Your family will appreciate having a happy, relaxed mom/wife. My husband realizes that staying at home is hard, so he supports me in my efforts to get out and socialize. I don't feel guilty too much anymore because I know that I am making myself a better person. It is a good learning experience for the kids that their mom can take care of them, but also have a life outside of that. Your job at the coffee shop is a great start to regaining your pre-mother identity. Goodluck!!!


I agree, it is tricky. There are a couple of things that happen around here. First and foremost, every and I mean every Saturday night Craig & I go on date night. It is the same place every week, neither elaborate nor fancy and it is time alone with my husband outside of the house. We are home by 9pm because our boys are up early. Weekly datenight makes a huge difference and it is great for our kids to see Mom & Dad make time for each other. Plus it gets kids used to being in the care of others, which is really important.

Another thing I did before the boys were in school (full time, 5 day a week school ROCKS)was schedule an afternoon for myself weekly. Kind of like a Doctor taking Wednesday afternoon off. Sometimes I would go do stuff and sometimes I would just stare at the wall. And it was MY TIME.

Also, maybe a mother's helper a few hours a week. Somebody who is there with you to help out with James but you are there to field any serious stuff. High school kids are awesome for this and mother's helpers are generally cheaper than babysitters. Another pair of hands can help immensely!

Just remember- Happy Mommy = Happy Everybody!

Sue Johnson

That is so true. When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! I had the same situation-the need to get out, and the need to deal with the guilt once I did get out. Sad to say, I could never reconcile the two. I just about lost my mind at times, but I stayed home. Best thing we ever did was put our little boy, 2 then, 24 now, into part time daycare at a center near our home. He was only gone three mornings a week, but it was a godsend to me. And he loved it!! Motherhood and guilt go hand-in-hand, I guess.


I never felt too much guilt because my daughter had a wonderful pediatrician. One her first official doctor's appointment after being born, he asked me if I was getting time away from her. He said that caring for a baby is hard work, and the only way to keep from burning out was to make sure I got time away from her every week. That kept me from feeling like I was doing something wrong by wanting to have some alone time.


It makes you a better Mom when you get time with adults. Less chance for resentment, more opportunities to clear you head and do something completely different. Which coffee shop you working at? Might stop by and see ya. Jan


It makes you a better Mom when you get time with adults. Less chance for resentment, more opportunities to clear you head and do something completely different. Which coffee shop you working at? Might stop by and see ya. Jan


When I think back to the years when my 3 boys were little, one of the things that kept me sane was church. Think about it - besides the obvious spiritual benefits,etc. - where else could a young mom go and be able to interact with Adults while her little ones were being cared for in a loving environment? 'Going to church' was more than just Sunday morning worship service. It was Bible study classes, choir rehearsal, ladies' groups, etc. I could talk with other moms, young and older. We'd share, commiserate, and learn from each other. The boys had age-appropriate activities/classes, and I knew they were well-cared for. I made a difference for me, and once I was older, I continued to encourage the younger moms around me to do the same.
Congrats on your seasonal job - sounds like tons of fun!! Merry Christmas..


I was a stay at home mom for years and there are times when you think you will lose your mind BUT - now that my kids are grown (and all three girls are wonderful women) I am so glad that I was home with them. I work now and believe me I wish I was a stay at home knitter!!!! Haha - Take care and don't feel guilty if you need time to yourself. It is important. Get them used to the idea so it isn't such a shock to them when you do something. Even a lunch out with a friend or alone time to read a book - it is all important! Merry Christmas!


Oh my I remember those days. I think it is important to have some kind of activity or work just for a few hours a week outside of the mommy and wife role. We all need "me" time.

Marti Johnson (aka Sock Queen)

I had to be a working mom when my two girls were little, so I missed out on a lot of fun (and work) with them, much to my dismay. However, if I had only had work & child care to occupy me, I'd have gone crazy just because there was no "me" time. Thankfully, the junior college near me offered classes at all hours, and I was a long-time student as a result, taking one or two courses per semester which both enriched me, and challenged me. Of course, with that I had to find study time and did during my lunch hours, commute time (on the rt), and sometimes late at night. Also, I've always been a strong believer in making time for my needlework which included both quilting & knitting. During the times spent with needlework, I could still keep an eye on the children, listen to their homework, and just talk with them. It all comes down to making time for what you love, and both my grown daughters now use the same techniques for themselves and their families. Oldest daughter does counted cross-stitch to relax w/her boys, and youngest daughter is in college part-time, works full time, and does counted cross-stitch, also to relax. I think I gave them good examples.

Jean Marie

A mix of things "for me" -

I sing with a Sweet Adelines chorus, which I have done since older son was 1 year old (he's 15 now...ack!).

I sew projects that make my soul happy (a bit of quilting, some purse/bag making, clothes for the boys and for me). I think it's the colors and the satisfaction of having things that fit.

I knit, and occasionally crochet.

I read.

And sometimes I work puzzles (Cross Sums, mostly), or color (Images, or Mindware coloring books), or do calligraphy.

Walk the dog, and try to exercise at least 15 minutes a day (yoga, pilates, strengthening routines).

And I'm often up late at night to soak up the quiet for a bit before going to sleep, between 10:30 and midnight the house is so quiet that I can hear the little noises.

It's finding a balance that works - and being willing to change the balance as life changes - kids getting older, jobs changing, etc.


I will admit I am still trying to find that balance and my children are 8, 5, and 2. I go to a Mom's group where the kids play and the few moms get a chance to talk. I think it is more for us instead of them. I know that I miss it when I am not able to go.

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