Whether it be from hormones, a busy schedule, or looking back on life four years ago, I've been quite sentimental all week. I feel myself pulled by remembering what James was like when he was the age Henry now is, and pushed by the want for more sleep/independence/adult time. I find myself wanting to spend lots of time at work, but also compelled to sit on the couch, nursing Henry when he isn't even hungry- (perhaps that's why I have an 8 week old who has gained 4 pounds- we call him Hank the Tank). I wonder if my body is finally getting enough sleep that it now has the luxury of thinking. Pondering what was, what is quickly changing, and what I have to look forward to, and wanting to experience it all at once.
I think it's hormones.
I hope it's hormones.
I hope I'm not losing my mind!
Just so you can look back with me, this is what has been playing over and over in the film strip of my mind. Comparing now:
To four years ago, when James was just year old and life seemed so much easier. More carefree. I know it wasn't really that way, but apparently the definition of sentimentality includes "emotional idealism, resulting from feeling rather that reason or thought." Yeah, that's me right now!
I find myself compelled to linger in this quagmire of happy yet longing emotions, rather than try to jolt myself out of it. When you find yourself looking back while trying to forever capure what's going on now, what do you do? Do you go nuts trying to make it all happen in your head? Or do you journal and try and write it all out so that it's there to look back on? Or do you have a glass of wine and just let it all simmer?